Gosh. What a realization I’ve just had!
Why do people (especially men) literally see their entire life going out of control after experiencing a break up in their love lives.
The human mind is an amazing thing. For that particular reason, it must be kept in control CONSCIOUSLY – through a conscious effort of the will. If put out of control, it can destroy lives easily.
Let’s take an example to understand this. Bob is a guy who’s just out of a relationship where he has been putting his time, energy, attention and will. Clearly, his mind likes being in that relationship and the rewards it promises – emotional support, physical pleasures and a sense of worth. There may be some other cause as well – something which Bob lacks in his own life. Whatever it is, Bob is now in a trouble.
The problem is that Bob has learned to fill these needs - especially his sense of worth.
The moment the other person (partner) takes a step back, which may be a move out of lost interest in the relationship or a planned move of seduction, the person suffering goes in a strange state of mind. What has been providing a lot of pleasures is now suddenly being taken away. Mind cannot tolerate that, it’s too much of a pain.
The pain and pleasure principle is working here too.
The greatest of all reasons is though, which I’ve suddenly been able to realize, and which has literally blown my mind over.
The fear of not being able to meet someone new – a doubt in self in one’s ability to keep a partner attracted is the root cause of all problems.
And now, Bob is imagining all the great times he has had with his partner. He wants them back, such great pleasures they were. He imagines the physical presence of his partner and the deliciousness it has which is being magnified by the mind now. Anything that mind doesn’t have is magnified and wanted even more. He hears the voice of his partner which his mind has become accustomed to. Every ring of the phone causes pain and an expectation of the partner’s call. The anchors have been set consciously and now they are working in synergy to cause the states Bob has to go through in spite of all his will power, which seems to be suspended for the time being.
Life becomes a hell. Focusing on NOT HAVING THE PARTNER is a negative focus and begins to attract even more negative things in life. Bob loses his capability to focus on good things, on his ability to attract. He loses his sense of worth.
The solution is straight – control of Focus. If you have been through such kind of an experience, you need to take control of your mind in a conscious way. Remember, what you focus upon – expands. By spending time talking to your partner, thinking about her (or him) and imagining pleasurable experiences, you have caused your mind to go into a state of expectation which depends on an external factor – your partner. Now he or she is in control – or at least this is how it seems to be.
SHIFT YOUR FOCUS. Go back to a powerfully attractive goal 6 months from now. If you don’t have it, make it now. In fact, go for a complete goal setting workshop.
And now, focus on the pleasures you can give to someone (which your partner has missed now). This is a question of your own sense of worth, self image and self confidence. It is advisable to live with the belief that you are the best possible choice any woman (or man) can make. Learn the art of attraction if you doubt your own ability to keep someone attracted. Be a prize, do not see opposite sex as prize. If you have to, act as if you can attract any one you wish. Know deep inside that you can never be alone and that universe and your own ability work together to always keep you busy.
Your partner has missed something very important – YOU.
Now get busy. Busy towards your goals. Having or not someone is a very small thing - remember the 80%, 15% and 5% principle. Be your own best company.
This is it. You can attract anyone and if not, you can learn to do so. Learn it, as soon as you can.
